he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
