she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
