i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
