I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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