he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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