smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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