Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
