Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize