this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
