ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
