So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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