He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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