at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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