I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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