i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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