you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
