let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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