My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
