Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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