I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
