Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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