i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
