Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
