I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize