I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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