East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
