So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
