got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
