Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
