First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
