Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
