I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
