We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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