hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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