I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So drunk its hurt
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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