the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
