Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
