oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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