i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize