I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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