he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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