Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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