you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
