My liver just broke up with me...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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