If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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