my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
