dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
