just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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