He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
