By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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