I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
