his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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