She went from zero to smokin in five shots
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
