I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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