What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I want is dick and wine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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