I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize