whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
