It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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