Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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