Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
