it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
