He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize