WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
