Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
