Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
