i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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