The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize