the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
