I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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