She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
