Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
