I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
