i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize