dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
