he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize