I got chris browned last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
