does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize