yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
