A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
