Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
