I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
