I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are my feet made of real feet?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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