Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
