____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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