is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you never un-have a 4some
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
