p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
