I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
third nipple confirmed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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