I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
