I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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