Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
