It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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