I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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