It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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