My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this just has baby written all over it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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